Are you stupid?
...and yes, this is a serious question.
"Why am I so stupid?"
I remember asking myself this question in November 2013. I had just started working in a hotel as a receptionist. I had just come back from a six-month trip to Australia after I got my degree in communication.
The hotel was big, the staff stressed out, and I quickly felt extremely overwhelmed by all the processes and verbal instructions. During my 20-minute breaks, I couldn’t do anything but drink coffee after coffee and smoke cigarette after cigarette. Being that stressed was horrible, but what broke me was how stupid this job made me feel.
I can still see my manager’s face, staring at me with eyes full of contempt as I asked her to explain once again what was the right direction to give to the guests who were coming for a seminar. She kept repeating the instructions, and I was simply unable to understand them.
A few hours later, I called my dad, crying, and told him that I couldn’t bear to work there anymore. Seeing how distressed I was, he told me to quit, and that’s what I did instantly.
I felt relieved for a few days and allowed myself to rest. But this sensation of being "stupid" stayed with me.
For years, I could feel it again from time to time, like a scar that couldn’t heal. Deep down, I was wondering, "Am I really stupid?"
And then, around 2019, I stumbled upon videos of people who shared their experiences as late-diagnosed ADHDers. They often mentioned how they were convinced that they were "stupid" and "lazy" their entire lives. At that moment, I finally allowed myself to consider that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t stupid. Maybe I had ADHD.
Mental health diagnoses generally don’t change your life instantly. But they allow you to replace the handmade labels you crafted for yourself with a label that can help you understand yourself, be understood by others, and feel part of a community.
These labels, no matter how imperfect they are, are precious life jackets when you feel lost and alone.
Curious if you might have ADHD? Get your pre-diagnosis workbook now with an exclusive $5 discount for my Substack subscribers! Click here 👈
"Mental health diagnoses...allow you to replace the handmade labels you crafted for yourself with a label that can help you understand yourself, be understood by others, and feel part of a community."
This resonates so much. I'm being treated for ADHD because it "sounds like I could have it" according to my psychiatrist who can't give me a definitive answer without ruling out other options. But she hasn't tried to rule out anything else. I also asked her recently about the process for diagnosing autism and she explained that the process is very expensive and the treatment is just therapy. Since she can't prescribe anything for it, she doesn't see the value of a diagnosis. I know she means well, but I think so many people don't understand the impact just understanding yourself better can have when you've been struggling without knowing why.
Thank you for sharing this post. ❤️
Oh, he also like to draw.