Hello Noodles!
In last week’s episode (which you can read here!), we learned what boundaries are and why we need healthy ones in our lives. Now, let’s see how boundaries are set.
First, it’s important to remember that humans generally cannot read each other’s minds 🔮 That’s why you need to communicate your boundaries clearly and not just expect people to "guess" them.
In the following example, you’ll see that wearing a t-shirt with a message on it is not sufficient to communicate your boundary clearly. Hoping that people will guess your expectations in relationships is not going to work.
To set a healthy boundary efficiently, you need to communicate it clearly.
But it doesn’t stop here! If the boundary is violated (and it will happen more often than not), you need to reinforce it. If you communicate but skip the reinforcement step, your boundaries will not be respected.
If you want your boundaries to be respected, you need to be assertive (and yes, I know it can be hard 😮💨).
Being assertive is the only way to clearly and directly communicate your needs.
Be careful though, being assertive doesn’t mean attacking others! It means being able to state your feelings openly.
We often imagine that setting boundaries means saying a harsh "no!" (and that’s why so many of us are terrified to set boundaries). But boundary setting can be more nuanced. There are many ways to do it, saying no is just one option.
Now that you know how to set boundaries, there are a few things you need to avoid doing ⚠️ These are important to stay away from because they can weaken your boundaries and make it easier for people to violate them.
That’s it for today! Next week, we’ll explore the seven different ways people tend to react to our boundaries (spoiler alert: only one is healthy 👀!). Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss the next episode!
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Here’s a simple tool I made to help you reflect on the boundary you are trying to set, to see if it’s clear or not. I hope you’ll like it!
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