What having ADHD feels like to me
It might not be what you imagine...
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 29.
I spent the last (almost) four years making content about it on Instagram.
Today, as my ADHD diagnosis anniversary is approaching, I want to check in with myself and see what it feels like to me. If you have ADHD, you might relate, and if you don’t, this may help you understand what it’s like to live with it.
It feels like I have two brains. One is trying to stay present, focus on the important stuff, and listen to other people when we have conversations. The other is getting distracted by everything, having a million ideas per minute, and needing to act on every emotion.
It feels like I’m running a few minutes behind real-time. Whether it’s because I didn’t “hear” the last sentence someone said, because my food is burning, or because I’m just past the cash register when I remember I need to buy toothpaste, I always feel like I live in my own very impractical timezone.
It feels like I fall in love with anything new. I don’t know why novelty is so incredibly irresistible to me. But when I discover something new, anything really, my brain starts to sparkle to the point that I can almost hear it. Sometimes I wonder, do I love novelty so much, or is it just a way for my brain to justify why I quit everything that’s not new anymore?
It feels like nothing can wait (except actual urgent things). My anger won’t wait to be tamed, my enthusiasm can’t wait to be expressed, my ideas can’t wait to become real, and your are taking way too long to finish your sentence. I feel a sense of urgency in daily things. But the taxes that are accumulating late fees, the food that is about to expire in my fridge, can definitely wait.
It feels like I’m not in control. My day-to-day life seems to be a spiraling vortex that I somehow manage to ride. Some days I’m a professional vortex-surfer and feel almost proud of having made it without everything falling apart. Some days I feel like I’m dangerously close to drowning, violently shaken by the strong waves of a life that’s too complex to handle by myself.
It feels like I’m unfit. No matter how hard I try to manage, it seems that I’m always a step behind what’s expected from others, but mostly from myself. Failures and rejections are natural parts of life. But for my already wounded self-esteem, they are painful reminders of how broken I’ve felt for so many years.
I wish it didn’t feel like that. I wish it was easier. I wish, four years after my diagnosis, my scars would have closed a bit. But I have to be honest, the 29 years I spent thinking something was wrong with me left a mark on me that won’t leave that easily.
This post was about my personal experience of living with ADHD, next week we’ll explore together the world of boundaries with the book “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” by
, so stay tuned and don’t forget to subscribe to Noodle Dooldes!
hey, I am younger and was diagnosed at 13 but I feel like people don't believe that it feels like my brain is against itself and that I don't have ADHD because I'm not very hyperactive. thanks this makes me feel seen 🩷🩷
Honestly, I wish I had the money right now to spend on getting a diagnosis. Every time you post something I feel like you're talking directly to my own problems. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I'm struggling between work, school, and managing my relationship. Forgetting to do things has been my worst issue. Thank you for sharing ways to improve and deal with these things, you're a godsend.