Boundaries - Episode 4 - Setting boundaries is hard ๐ฎโ๐จ...but worth it!
If you struggle with boundaries, you're not alone!
Hello Noodles!
This is the last part of my series on the book "Set Boundaries, Find Peace" by
.If you missed the previous episodes you can read them here:
Now that you understand why setting boundaries is not only healthy but absolutely necessary to maintain good relationships, you might ask yourself, "Why do I tolerate so many unhealthy boundaries in my life?" Well, thatโs because weโre generally not aware that the discomfort we feel is caused by unhealthy boundaries.
The truth is, for most of us, and especially with ADHD, and the tendency we have to be people-pleasers, setting healthy boundaries is uncomfortable. We have trained ourselves to accept the discomfort of living with unhealthy boundaries rather than face the discomfort of setting healthy ones. We are used to staying silent when our boundaries are violated.
Stepping out of this silence can seem impossible. I find it terrifying most of the time. But itโs important to be brave when it comes to defending ourselves. I loved this sentence from Tawwab:
As youโll probably experience, starting to set healthy boundaries when you are not used to it can make you feel uncomfortable emotions.
Be aware of them, and even though they should not prevent you from being assertive about your needs, itโs important to accept them.
If you struggle with these feelings, remember that they are an expected part of the process and that it doesnโt mean that you are doing something wrong. It just means that you are doing something different.
When you feel guilty about setting a boundary with someone, try to reframe the way you look at it.
When you start communicating your needs clearly and directly, people in your life might feel a bit confused at first. But with time, they will accept it, and they might take an example from you, creating a virtuous cycle of examples of what are healthy boundaries and inviting others around them to embrace this too.
You can set an example for the people around you and make a difference!
And with these beautiful words from Nedra Glover Tawwab, we are closing our deep dive into the book "Set Boundaries, Find Peace."
This book helped me have a clear view of what is healthy or not in a relationship and how beneficial setting boundaries for myself is. Since I read it, I noticed that Iโm feeling more and more comfortable expressing my needs to others in a clear way. I hope it will help you in the same way!
Why should you buy this book?
Iโve just brushed the surface. The book is filled with precise examples of unhealthy boundaries for each type of relationship (friends, family, romance, work, etc.) and how to handle others' reactions. There are also numerous exercises that will help you understand your relationship to boundaries and what could prevent you from being able to be more assertive about your needs. And most of all, itโs a book that youโll want to return to periodically, as learning to set boundaries is a process that can take time.
Thank you to
for this insightful book, and thank YOU for joining me in this exploration! What book should I cover next? Share your topics and book suggestions in the comments!